Lately I have felt like Bah Humbug. I have had a hard time embracing the holidays and life in general.
I am stressed to max. I cry at least once every day. That's the dirty truth and what you don't see. I wipe my tears and put a smile on my face for my kids but inside I am a mess. I am a worrier by nature and it is hard not to worry about some of the things going on in my life.
On Thanksgiving Day Matt hurt his back somehow and since then things have gone down hill. We spent one night last week in the ER he was in so much pain. The ER is not a fun place to be. His right leg is numb and shooting pain and he is unable to walk. He has been laid up in bed for almost two weeks now. He is only able to get up to use the bathroom and that is so painful he then has to lay down again. My heart goes out to him because I know he is in excruciating pain. You never want to see a loved one hurt like that ever. He has had one spinal injection that has not provided much relief and we are awaiting another one Monday. In the meantime he has to lay flat on his back to have any kind of relief from his pain. He is like a third child at the moment I need to take care of. I am terrified he is going to need back surgery and I know the recovery from that will be difficult.
Last week we took Sterling to fill 2 of his cavities and they informed us after getting proper xrays while he was sedated he had 6 more cavities that needed to be filled. WTF. Meaning he needs to be sedated 3 more times and it is going to cost us a pretty penny. Plus I feel like a horrible mom because he has so many cavities. They want us to floss every night and flossing with a 4 year old is not easy, I am worried he is going to get more cavities.
I went to see my gyno last week. They suspected I had an ovarian cyst that had burst.
Then last week at Frances Moon's one year check up her doctor told us we needed to get another MRI/Ultrasound of her head because it was growing too fast compared to her body. We already had one ultrasound in July and it showed fluid outside the brain but they thought by now her head would start to even out with her body. It is still growing off the curve. Yesterday I met with a neurologist at MUSC.
I came home from the hospital and Frances started running a fever.
I tell you all this not to get sympathy at all because I realize my problems are small compared to others. As I sat in the waiting room on the Neurology floor of MUSC waiting for Frances Moon to be seen I looked around the room at all the Moms there fighting their own battles. Some kids were in wheel chairs and others were visibly sick. It really put things in perspective for me. Yes, this is a hard time in my life. I am taking care of a husband who can't move or do anything for himself on top of my worries about our children. I am damn exhausted but I am healthy. This is nothing compared to the battles others are braving. Nothing at all.
I decided to take a deep breath, pray, and meditate (thank you headspace app) and you know what it worked. It reminded me to embrace the real meaning of Christmas and be thankful for where I am in my life at exactly this point. So what if I have no gifts wrapped and still have shopping to do. So what if I have piles of laundry that I don't have time to tackle after taking care of everyone. It doesn't matter at all. It will get done even if it is last minute. What matters is the time I spend with my loved ones and the attention and care I give them. Sterling is so excited about Santa and Christmas this year I can't help but smile thinking about his innocent joy. I want to enjoy the little things and embrace this week leading up to Christmas and I encourage all of you to do the same. Lets focus on the real meaning of Christmas and be thankful.
We all have our own struggles and worries and they are real but it is up to us the attitude we take towards what life throws our way. As my Dad told me yesterday God doesn't give you more than you can handle. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.
I am pretty sure I have been bringing my family (thanks mom and dad and Taylor for listening) down with my complaints so I am turning it around.
I don't want to be Debbie Downer, I want to happy and joyful.
This too shall pass.
88 comments:
Thank you for posting this. Oftentimes, blog posts only show the fun happy things in life and this post goes to show that even those "perfect" lives have bad times. Best of luck to you and your family with everything that's going on.
Thinking of your and your family and praying for a healthy husband and sweet Frances! Merry Christmas! It will get better :)
I've long read your blog and enjoyed it, but it is my first time commenting. I have been through a similar situation with my son, who is now 14 months. At his 9 month check up his head growth had moved off the chart and because he was on the slower spectrum of crawling and babbling, the sent us in for an ultrasound. We were told that he has fluid in his brain, and that he needed an mri and to see a neurologist. I felt like my world was crashing down on me. Long story short, the mri showed he was fine and the neurologist told us that they see more and more babies sent to them by pediatricians for no need. That just a few mm can put their heads off of the chart and that doctors need to take into account the baby's overall size. Like France's, sawyer is a bigger baby. A bigger head is proportionate to a bigger body. He also didn't find the fluid to be anything above the normal range. Of course, our situations may not be exactly the same, but I wanted to give you a positive end result of a similar situation. Good luck with your beautiful girl and everything else. You seem to be a great mom and a strong woman. I'm glad you have your family to support you through all of this. I hope Matt finds some relief too. Happy holidays. -Jocelyn
it's kathryn/lovelymarshmallow (ig).
my thoughts are with you, matt, and fm. I broke my back on Black Friday and it is no joke. I'm struggling, my husband is exhausted. did matt have imaging?
and I will keep sweet fm in my thoughts. there is nothing scarier than toting your baby around to doctors. I've been there and it's tough as shit.
be strong. take every ounce of help offered. ask for it too! you can't do it all. xo
Any one of these events would be stressful but all at once is a lot for anyone. I hope things get a little better each day. Good thoughts are being sent your way
Thinking and praying for you all! It will get better!!! Maybe take a few days off blogging and try to relax?
Oh my goodness friend. I'm so so sorry to hear that you've been going through all of this. I will be praying for you and your family and I'm hear if you want to vent. Goodness knows everyone needs to do that every now and then.
Yikes! When it rains it pours right? Let me know if there is anything we can do. The kiddos can come play with us if you need some time with Matt, or one of us can come sit with him if need be!
Thinking of you guys. xx
Sending prayers that things get a little easier for your family and that they are all healthy and free from pain!
I don't think anyone would see this as complaining but that you're being real. And when life is hard you need support; people to rally around you and your family and pray for you and love on you! Going through just one of those things would be difficult but all of them at once ... I cannot imagine. Praying that God will give you strength and you would feel His peace because He is in control!
I have been feeling similar about some tough things going on in my life currently as well. I appreciate this post so much. Perspective! Thinking of you (and your family), Natalie!
I read blogs, but don't comment often. Just had to say, love that you keep it real. Will be thinking about and praying for your fam!
Oh Natalie, I am so sorry for everything your going through. And there's always going to be someone out there struggling more than we are, but it doesn't make what we're going through and less valid and tough. It sounds like your going through so much right now - and all at the same time. I had an ovarian cyst rupture in college and that alone is enough to feel a little "whoa is me." I hope things start to get better and that Matt starts to feel better and that everything with Frances Moon checks out perfectly normal. And I think as for Sterling and the cavities, I think some people/teeth are just more prone to them, no matter how much you brush.
Oh, Natalie, I'm so sorry to hear...please know that you are not alone, and not a "downer" at all! I can definitely relate...but your post reminds me that I am trying to be positive and really enjoy every day, no matter if I am feeling depressed, worried, etc. No matter how bad a day is, I don't want to look back and regret losing time with my friends and loved ones or missing experiences because I was in a bad mood or stuck with my thoughts. Thank you for writing this, Natalie.
Hoping for a New Year of health for your family...don't forget to take care of yourself, too :)
Alissa
So sorry to hear about this, Natalie!! It does remind me of the first Christmas... You know, Mary had similar concerns, traveling in an unsafe area, about to give birth, moving on a donkey, how was everything going to work out??i think that is why Christmas is so special... Not because everything is perfect & problems go away but that in the midst of all of the crazy, God comes and lives with us. That changes everything. We are not alone. We carry immense sorrow but also larger joy in our hearts because of Christmas. Y'all will be in our prayers this Advent...and thank you as always for sharing you on this blog!
Sending positivei vibes and love y’alls way Natalie. xx
Praying for your family! Love you lots!
That is certainly a lot to handle at once - I'm so sorry, and will be thinking of you! If it's any consolation. I had tons of cavities as a kid despite getting brushed and flossed every night. Finally what really helped was a dentist you suggested drinking fluoride water. It's just regular bottled water with extra fluoride in it. I haven't had a cavity since!
I feel like 2014 has been our year of health problems as well. It has definitely taught me that nothing is as important as our health. Let's pray for a healthier 2015 for all of us!
Im so sorry you are going through all of this. I completely understand! My daughter was diagnosed with a bronchogenic cyst on her lung last December and i didnt think I would make it through the month. You are strong, you are tough, and that is why you are a momma. Keep your trust and faith in God, he will not let you down.
Hang in there!! XOXO
I appreciate your honesty so much and want you to know that I am praying for your family!
HUGS and lots of love to you. You will get through this. Everything is going to be OK. This too shall pass. Prayers and peace to you...
Sending prayers! Thanks for the inspiration and honesty you provide in your blog, Natalie!
Praying for you, strong girl! You got this! I went through a similar situation with my husbands back earlier this year and can entirely relate to what you are going through! I know your sweet babies will be just fine and God's grace will get you through every hurdle! Just hang in there, I know you're doing an amazing job! I love how raw this post is and the message to be reminded of how blessed we all are! Happy Holidays pretty girl!
I'm a long time reader and first time commentator. I just want to say that you're doing a great job juggling it all...simply because you're there, with your family, loving them and putting one foot in front of the other. Life is really hard and can be completely overwhelming. My fiancée has a bad back and has had a number of surgeries...it can be very dark, very bleak and no one will understand exactly what you're dealing with. Sending you some positive thoughts - good luck through these hard times.
I'm sorry you are going through a hard time, but I always appreciate your honesty. This can be a hard time of year for so many people. Thinking of you and your family!
Thank you for sharing the real life moments!! I can always rely on your blog to share something real. As a new mom, I love reading daily blogs...and so many Are filled with all the perfect moments of motherhood. How important it is to share the grit! Thank you for that!! Thinking well wishes and joyous outcomes for y'all!
Sending prayers and hugs your way! Girl feel free to complain because non of that sounds easy. I hope things ease up and you get good news so you can enjoy your holidays!
I am so sorry to hear that your family is having a rough time. The Holidays can be stressful enough. I will make sure I include you and your sweet family in my prayers!! I enjoy reading your blog and that you feel so comfortable and open to share with your readers the good and hard times. I use to have really bad worry and anxiety. It took me a long time but I know that God has got this and he loves his children and we don't always know his reasons but I know with faith and the power of prayer it can move mountains. Praying for healing this Christmas for all of you!!
Great post and I have never commented but your post on the teeth has made me feel so much better about the exact same situation with my little girl. I felt like the worst mom ever, you know unhealthy, etc. And I know we brush as best we can, eat healthy for the most part, so what the heck?! You are not alone!! When they loose these teeth we will want to save these small investments. Thanks for the post and I try to tell myself daily "this too will pass". Merry Christmas!!
Thank you for sharing, my heart goes out to you. Remember "Being a mother is one of the most rewarding jobs on earth and also one of the most challenging." Praying for you and your family.
I am so sorry for all that you and the family are going through and hope that one by one things get better.
I'm so sorry! I know with Matt being down it just makes things a little harder. Praying things start to look up for you guys soon.
You all will be in my thoughts and prayers! It's not easy always to be happy during the holidays but putting it all in perspective at times definitely helps.
I'm new to your blog. I found you on Bloglovin' because you came up as similar to mine! :)
Sending prayers to you and your family during this hectic time. I have one child and need my husband 100%, so I can't imagine. I know that God will give you the strength you need to manage it all. Happy Holidays!
http://kindredly.blogspot.com
Ohhh Natalie! My heart hurts for you. I know you are a strong person and you will get through this. You got this. You are an amazing mommy and wife. I know things are scary and uncertain right now. I will keep you and your sweet family in my prayers. Whenever you feel like you are struggling, say a quick prayer and ask God for help. It's something I do and it always helps me and makes me feel better. Merry Christmas.....things WILL get better.
Thank you for sharing! Prayers to you and your family.
Oh, Natalie. I am so sorry that your family is going through so much. I will be praying for you and your family. Thank you too for this post; I needed some perspective!
thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
i too am struggling for many reasons so thank you for giving me perspective
Thanks for sharing the hard times too, Natalie. It sounds like you have the right attitude. Tough times don't last, tough people do!
Thank you for posting. I have been following you for quite some time, love your style, life, etc.. I have gotten a lot of new clothes and boots thanks to you.. I am so sorry you're goign through such a hard time, but thank you for sharing, I look up to you, even though I don't know you. You don't have to go at it alone, and your dad is right. Prayers definitely work, just not in our time, but I will be praying for you. Please continue to share your real life with us. I do hope you have a Merry Christmas, I have a 5 year old little girl, and I get the most joy out of her excitment and wonder of the holiday.. I keep trying to remind myself it's not about her presents, but about the meaning of Christmas. Prayers to all of your family, and Merry Christmas.
Hang in there Natalie. You have a great perspective on things, and yes there are others who are dealing with greater struggles, but yours are valid and not to be discounted. Just take it one day at a time, really and don't think too far out into the future and PRAY. Pray alot! It truly does help even if you're crying through your prayers each day!! I was in a similar situation with one of my kids a couple years ago. A difficult situation for us, but certainly not as bad as some others have it. Still it was monumentally tough for me. You can do this, just only worry with with you have today. You WILL get through it. Hugs to you and your sweet family!!!
Hang in there and ask for some help too, I'm sure your girlfriends would love to power together to provide some relief. You're doing a great job - and this too shall pass friend. Hang tough!
I feel for you Natalie, you have a lot on your plate right now...Things will get better, we've been through rough patches such as these. I think that this will pass. As for the flossing, not sure if they still have these around (my kids are 11 and 13.5), but my kids loved the Dino shaped flossers when they were young, it made flossing MUCH easier.
Natalie- I've long been a reader and now also live in Charleston also. I'm a huge fan of all of your blog entries but this one is truly the raw real deal and it's my favorite entry not because I wver want you to experience anything bad, but it connects us and others even more. These trials will test you to our core but you are strong enough. We know God tests us and it's never hen we want to be tested nor how, but he proves to us that we can far surpass anything we originally thought imaginable. So random but if you want to get coffee or anything, I'm here! We have a lot of mutual friends and hope to meet you soon and give you a huge hug! Xoxo Eloise Southard (thesoutharddiaries.tumblr.com)
Thank you so much for posting this! I love following you (and other cute mamas) on Instagram and often find myself thinking, why don't I have it together when these ladies clearly do? The things you're going through are stressful! I so appreciate the transparency and honesty in your post. And if it makes you feel any better, I am far from having it altogether!
Natalie
I am so sorry to hear about all the struggles you and your adorable family are going through.
I wanted to reach out because a friend of mines husband had the exact same problem with his back. They did a bunch of tests and thought he might have MS, but they changed to a whole30 diet and he started going to the chiropractor and he is doing wonderful now.. I know this must be a scary time, but i wanted to offer this idea for your husband.
Merry Christmas
Oh, Natalie! Just know that you are not alone, and God has you and your precious family wrapped in his arms. He has a plan for you guys and you will get through this! Praying for healing, patience, and comfort for you. And you are right, this too shall pass. --Maddy
Xoxox
Thinking of you Natalie and praying that things get better. I understand how overwhelming it is when everything seems like it's crashing down. But I know I try to remind myself that tomorrow is a new day and it will get better! Sending lots of love! xoxoxoxo
I'm so sorry Natalie...what a lot of things going on. You wouldn't believe how your household is mirroring our household right now...just found out my husband has to have back surgery in January, so we have been running around trying to get a second opinion, etc. I just had a cortisone injection in my back yesterday, and have had so much relief, so I'm sorry it didn't work for Matt.
If he is like my husband and I, we have been hunched over laptops since the first day we walked into UNC, and through 10+ years of finance. I have stayed home for 5 years, and getting away from the desk and laptop saved me I think! I made my husband get a rolling laptop bag and an ergonomic consult for his office. Hope it helps. We are all too young for this crap!
Sterling and my 5 year old can form their own rap group with their silver fillings :) My dentist said some kids are more susceptible. We started paying for an additional fluoride treatment, use mouthwash, and those two things solved it (for now!).
Sending you a virtual hug, and best wishes for some peace and relaxation for your family!
Oh I didn't even see this post when I tagged you on insta this morning :(
I am so sorry for everything you are going through and I pray you will have the strength to push through until this is all a distant memory. Sending you hugs & love from NYC!
Long time reader but my first time commenting. You are tackling some big stuff the Christmas and I just said a prayer for you and your family. Also...there is enough mommy shaming out there without us mommy shaming ourselves. Your kids look happy and loved, that is successful parenting. So what if they need a dentist....they don't look like the need a therapist. (:
Thinking and praying for you and your family. It will all be ok.
Sending positive thoughts your way!!
Natalie! You are such a wonderful person, I know I don't know you but I read your blog often so I feel like I do! Sending you prayers and best wishes, I truly don't know how you do it all but you are a wonderful mom, wife and an inspiration to so many people. Me included! Wishing you all the very best and a Merry Christmas! You will get through this and laugh one day!
Although we are just Instagram + blog friends - I am sending Hugs from Dallas :) When it rains....it pours!
I love your outlook on the is post. Merry Christmas from my family to yours.
Annie Roche
Thinking of you and sending up lots of love and prayers today. I have been where you are with the kid issues. We had a gravely serious hydrocephalus scare with a child when he was a (big)baby. We ended up at UVA with Dr. Jane. Please have them measure your husband's head. When children have big(headed/tall) genes they have to grow off the growth chart at some point to get to that giant adult size. The fluid can be read incorrectly. He is now a very tall, big headed healthy 14 year old. We also had to put a child under multiple times for dental surgeries at 4/5 years old. - I promise you will get through it. It's just totally overwhelming. Just wanted you to know you are not alone! You are a good Mama for being so thorough and getting it all checked out. -Boyd
Being a momma is so tough (and I only have one right now!), and I give you so much credit for handling what you are going through - you are so strong!!!! My prayers are with your whole family!!!! :) It sounds like your prayers and meditation have helped so much (I need to check out that app!) but just know that when things seem hard, someone in this community is thinking of you and your family and asking God to give you strength!
If I were you, I would have the hardest time asking for/accepting help from those around me, but don't!
I hope you guys have a Merry Christmas! :)
~Carli
Sending lots of love and prayers your way!
So sorry to hear you and your family have been going through so many medical issues. It's so easy to take our good health for granted. Sending prayers your way.
Merry Christmas,
Letra
I don't think this is a downer post at all. It's real life and real life isn't always happy. I'm sorry things have been hard for you guys lately. Things have been hard in my life too. Prayers that things get better for you. Merry Christmas!
That is such an amazing attitude to have with everyone on your plate right now. The fact that you can still put on a happy face, do the holidays, and smile for your kids is so much more than most people could in your situation. Sending you big prayers and hugs!
Omg... It's such an amazing relief to know I'm not the only one. Thank you for yr honesty as always. We deem ourselves Superwomen but in reality that is so hard to live by! I feel I can't catch a breath! Yes, we all should be thankful and at times its hard to see past our own issues but God always uses something to put things in perspective. Thanks again and God bless you and yr family!
I'm so sorry you're walking through a valley but never forget that Jesus is holding your hand! For your Husband - been there! It's been a little over 3 years. He had a couple of those nerve blocker injections but they just temporarily and only partially masked the problem. He ended up having a herniated disk and finally had surgery. It's not an easy recovery and he still struggles with some level of pain from time to time but at least he can function and deal with it now. My kids were 3 and barely 2 at the time. It sucks but whatever happens, you can do it! I'll pray for your family and worries. God is good all the time. May you find rest and peace in His presence. Merry Christmas!
I am so sorry for the rough patch you and your family are having, but your perspective is going to get you through.
I work with children with special needs, so day in, day out, I get a healthy dose of how blessed I am in my life. I may have troubles, but I always know they pale in comparison to the struggles my kids and their families know.
Prayers for you all.
Thinking about you today and saying a prayer for you and your family. Thank you for also making me stop and be grateful
So sorry to hear all of this stuff is happening in your life, Natalie, especially all at once! I agree with your Dad when he says God doesn't give you more than you can handle. All you can do is take one day at a time and keep your positive mentality going. :)
Natalie, thank you for posting this. I will be praying for you and your family during this stress-filled time. Have a blessed holiday season. <3
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope it all works out for you and SOON!!
Thinking of you and your family!
One thing I will say is that I have bulging discs and have had several back issues (I'm also a lawyer and sitting all day is the WORST thing for your back) -- physical therapy and acupuncture helped immensely. I continue to see a trainer just for a strong core and my back pain. Just wanted to know there may be other options than surgery and that it will get better!
You are brave and strong and you are allowed to complain. Praying for your family.
This is my first time, commenting. I wish I could stop by and help in some way, but we live in Iowa. Sending you a big hug and I will be praying!!😍💛
PS. You are a good mom. His teeth will be okay.
Natalie - hang in there! We went through the same thing with my son and his big head :) It all ended up evening out as he got bigger (he was a chunky baby). But the WORRY is enough to drive any mother mad. My daughter is currently in the same situation as your little man, and she's just turned 3. They found 2 totally abscessed/rotted molars in her mouth, and 4 other cavities. They told us some kids are genetically prone to having a ton of cavities - that it's something they're born with and that it rarely affects their adult teeth. We do brush her teeth a lot more/better now,as well as limit how often she snacks (she's a big grazer/snacker) but know that it may not just be an oral hygiene issue and you are NOT a bad parent because your kid is prone to cavities!!! We are hanging tight - 4 dentist visits in the last 2 months, and 2-3 more in the New Year. Luckily kids are super resilient.
Hold tight, and try to enjoy the holidays with friends and family. Hope all of you are feeling better in the New Year!
My son had a huge head on ultrasounds. Then after he was born we went to specialists twice and finally they said be just has a big head. He's 4 now and has grown into it. I hope it's similar for France's Moon, I'm sure it will be. She's BTW TOO CUTE FOR WORDS. My daughter we brush daily and had 5 cavities by the age of 5 so I feel your pain. My heart goes out to you having a husband laid up is the worst I'm sure. I've heard great things about acupuncture and not sure if chropractic care is an option, maybe worth a shot. All the best to you and your family!! xo
Hi there! I felt I had to comment bc I literally have not read your blog since I had my third babyin July (lack of time so I instead just follow you on IG). For some reason I went on your blog today and saw this post. Just want to share I went through a very similar thing w my husband. He's had back/ leg sciatic pain for years and it came on full force last year, whe I was pregnant and we were just getting ready to put our house on the market. There was so much going on in our life I was in tears often too. Anyway just wanted you to know that after multiple injections (&trips to the ER for pain) and taking care of him in my hot mess of a pregnant state, he opted for surgery. He now says it's the best thing he ever did. Back surgery has come a long way- he feels like a new man. You walk out of the hospital same day or next day feeling great. Recovery is not that bad. So if he goes that route, don't be too scared- it really does wonders. Especially for long term relief and quality of life. Good luck and merry christmas to you!!
thinking of you and your family! I hope things get better soon -- in the meantime try to focus on the positives and hug those babies ;) xo jillian
Hang in there, Natalie! You are strong and you love your family like crazy. I'm glad you posted this because it was honest and you reached out to your audience with the truth. You have a lot of support out here in the blogosphere! We all should take your thoughts to heart and remember our blessings and the true meaning of Christmas. Thank you for posting.
I love you, my sweet friend!!! xoxoxoxox
Bless your heart girl!! Lots of love and prayers y'all's way. MERRY Christmas!!
Prayers and love to you and your family. I've been a
long time reader but, this is my first comment.
Merry Christmas,
Gina
Oh Natalie I'm so sorry. you will get through it and so will your amazing family! I know you'll find a way to find a laugh here and there and have a wonderful christmas. you'll be in my thoughts and prayers!! sorry for such a rough time!
Long time reader but can't remember if I've ever commented. Anyway just want to send you good thoughts and a hug.
Sounds like a pretty tough time and just want to remind you to take care of yourself too. I know that's easier said than done. But try to get a little rest.
Hope everything will work out soon and everyone back to 100%.
I have been meaning to write you for a couple of days now to say your sweet family in my my thoughts and prayers! You have such a positive attitude and that will help so much. It's so hard when your husband can't help. My husband had to have back surgery and we have a family friend who is a neurosurgeon do it and he has been so much better since then. I hope it won't resort to surgery for your husband but I understand your pain! Hang in there and enjoy every special moment with your kids these next few day!
Hi there,
I read your blog daily because it's interesting to me and your funny and normal which I love.
I recently read about the things your going through and want to let you know you and your family are in my prayers. Prayer moves the hand of God and I'm a witness to that :)
If God brings you to it he can see you through it. You got this girl!
God Bless-- Clara
Thinking about you Natalie! You are such a strong mom - and you have such an amazing perspective. It will get better. :)
Stopped and said a prayer for you and your sweet family. If God brings you to it, He can bring you through it!!!
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