Thursday, June 11, 2015

Inside my Mind.


I have mentioned on here before that I am a worrier.  I swear this is hereditary.  My mom and grandmother were both huge worriers- well my mom still is:)  I am able to control my worries and thoughts so they don't consume my day but at night they are the worst.  With our upcoming vacation I have already been laying in bed at night worrying about the flight and leaving my kids. I also worry about all sorts of non-important things.  Luckily I married Matt who is a non worrier.  I swear not much stresses him out so he helps keep me in check about what should be real concerns.

I know people have so many real problems and major issues in their life and these are trivial, that is why I enjoy writing them out, it helps put things in perspective and makes me laugh at my crazy mind that never stops.  Prayer and meditation help me immensely.  You have to trust that there is a higher power and I do trust God's plan. 

I thought it would be funny to give you a peek inside my mind and what goes thru it on a daily basis.

 - Of course right before our flight they announce the TSA standards are not up to par for flights.  The department of homeland security said he was deeply concerned.  Now I am even more freaked to fly.  Like breaking out in sweats scared.  I truly hope I don't have a panic attack on the plane.

- Will my phone work while I am in the Caribbean??  I need to be able to talk to my kids and text.  This majorly stresses me out.  I added an international plan for the week but they still say service can be iffy.  

- I know I will enjoy myself on vacation but I have such attachment issues with my kids.  I don't worry at all about leaving them with my parents I know they are in good hands, I worry about me being without them for a few days.  We are together all day everyday and I know this is gonna be hard.

- I should have really done that detox cleanse before our vacation.  I had big goals of having a toned stomach and proudly rocking my bikini.  Instead this week because I have been stressed out I have eaten processed foods and had wine.  Hello flabby belly.  I will wear a bikini you just may not see in any pictures of me in it.

- I truly trust my parents 100% to watch the kids while we are gone but my kids are a handful.  I worry that it will exhaust my parents.  I worry I am imposing on them asking them to keep my kids so many days.

- How is Sterling going to adapt at kindergarten next year??  Yes this is 2 months away but I think about it every single day.  He will have to make all new friends and I know that is hard.

- I really want to buy a new couch for our den.  Where should I even look?  The process of buying big ticket items stresses me out because it is such a big decision.  Will the size be right?  Will the color be right?  Or should I wait til my kids are older because they will most likely ruin it.

- Frances seems fussy.  I hope she is not sick.   That would be my luck she gets sick right before we leave.  Maybe it is teething.   Her teeth are spaced so far apart.  I am sure it is from the paci.  We need to ditch the paci soon, but man it makes my life easier.  I wonder if they will get closer together once she stops the paci.

- The cashier at the grocery store told me he had the stomach bug and was laid out for THREE days.  Now I am terrified because he touched my credit card the germs are still active and I will catch it.  Whydid he come back to work so soon and why did he tell me this??

- Did I pay all the bills that needed to be paid before we leave??

- What should I blog about ??  Sometimes it is hard to come up with fresh topics- suggestions always welcome.

- Will I ever get to meet Adam Levine.  Or Zac Efron.  Maybe I will see someone famous on our vacation.  That would be awesome.  Hopefully Beyonce and JayZ will be at St Barths and I can catch a glimpse. This is not a worry more of a dream- haha.

- My eye sight has gotten so bad.  My contacts always irritate my eyes, I am terrified I am going to have to have that cornea transplant surgery they told me I will probably eventually need.  Eye surgery freaks me out.

- My arm pit still hurts, is this something serious.  I should make a doctor appointment.  Is there such a thing as arm pit cancer??

- I hope the weather will be good while we are on vacation, crappy weather will suck.  What will we do all day if it rains?  What if a horrible storm comes and we get stuck on the island.

- I still think about that third baby often. Will I be completely happy and ok with just 2 kids?   I am also scared of the journey to even try and get pregnant again and scared that if I get pregnant something may be wrong with the baby since I am at the magical age of 35 where all the risks increase.  I feel like a ticking time bomb. 

- How is it possible it is Summer already. The older I get the faster the years fly by and that scares me.  I feel like I blinked and Sterling was 5.  I need to savor these moments more while the kids are young, instead of feeling stressed out.

- I have a million emails I need to respond to.  I really need to sit down and respond.  With the kids out this Summer it is so hard to have time to work and respond.

- Should we move or stay in our house.  This consumes my mind a lot.  We love our neighborhood and our neighbors and ideally want to stay here but we need more space.  An addition intimidates me, I would not even know where to begin or who to hire.  and then where would we stay while they did the work?  On the other hand nothing is for sale in any of the neighborhoods near us.

- Current conern what should I eat for breakfast.  Toast?  Do I need the carbs with this bloated belly?  Cereal? Too processed?  Eggs? Don't feel like cooking them.  The breakfast struggle is real.  Wish I had bacon:)

Happy Thursday.
















36 comments:

E Hayes said...

Girl, we are kindred spirits. this is my life. Just commenting about FM's teeth, I read it's actually healthier for them to be spaced out, since you can brush them more easily they are less likely to get cavities between teeth where it might be hard if spaced tightly together (good news if she is prone like Sterling!!). It also means it'll be easier for her adult teeth to come in or something too, I dont know, not a dentist, but definitely read something like that somewhere. I hope you are able to enjoy your trip with no hiccups! All the things you are worried about I would think about too...

betsysc said...

Couple of tips! :)

Go see your Dr for help with the flight anxiety (ie, meds). I have an rx written & directions for it literally say "take 1 hour before flight." With any luck, you'll actually fall asleep & it'll be over before you know it.

My sweet girl starts KG in Aug too. They will be fine while we are in tears. I have my worries about her adjusting too, but ultimately I know she's good to go & the rest is on me. These are such bittersweet changes!

Couch- put a basic sheet over the seat cushions for daily use & take it off when company comes over. Saves me!! And, I LOVE the Robin Bruce line at Morris Sokol & Celadon. Reasonably priced, comfy- great for growing up families!

Have an amazing day!! Keep busy & shake the worries off :)

Elizabeth said...

i so have the third baby worry. every day. and my second is only 7.5 months but im 34. i feel like 2 is good and manageable and three might put me over the edge but will i regret not having a third 10 or 20 years from now? so right there with ya on that one. ugh.

angel grandma said...

One thing from a Grammy - I too am watching three little ones while my kids jet off to California for a long weekend - I will be exhausted, but it is the best exhaustion ever! I am so happy to spend "alone time" with these children and for their parents to spend their "alone time". Always needed as a couple! I think if you mentioned this to your parents of how you are feeling they will put your mind at ease and tell you they are so looking forward to "their" time!

So easy to say "don't worry" - these are true feelings ; but talking about it out loud sure can help!

From a worrier too!

Sharon said...

Well I will be 37 next spring and have no kids and have a ton of friends who are my age and just having children or having their 2nd or 3rd. With the all the medical advances and tests we have access to, there is no need to worry about having a child after 35. At least that is what my doctor has told me. :)

Ashlee Campbell said...

Bless your heart, Natalie. We are much alike. I struggle with irrational fears daily. Even anxiety meds don't curb it as they should. I have a 3 and 4 year old that keep me wired and worried daily! All the best to you!

Nickie said...

You're a beautiful and a great mom. Try to enjoy your vacay and know your kids are having a blast while you are gone. :)

R Keller said...

I love this and totally understand your thought process. I too am a worrier! I cancelled a NYC trip in December because I was worried my little girl (same age as Frances Moon) would catch Ebola. I know it's ridiculous, but once thoughts start to creep in I start to really rationalize them. On a happier note, I love your blog and read it all the time. Please do a home tour post:)

Lisa Cocanougher said...

I had an on and off pain in my armpit a few years back where it would be painful to touch, and noticed my lymph node was swollen, so I didn't see the doctor. It just stopped and I haven't had the pain in quite a while. Swollen lymph nodes can be caused by all sorts of things usually not serious. Have you been feeling under the weather? I noticed it most when I had a sore throat or my immune system just wasn't up to par.
And girl we are the same when it comes to flying!!! Agree with the above comment about seeing a doc. I was prescribed an anxiety pill to pop before flying, but sometimes the nerves get the best of me and pill doesn't cut it. Usually a pill an hour before along with one cocktail does the trick and suddenly I'm fearless.
You are not alone :)

Tiffany Johnson said...

This is me daily. Constant worrier while my husband snores next to me at night. Praying definitely helps because He already has a plan for us. But then we just worry about what that plan is. Ha!

Leigh said...

I do this!!! It drives my husband crazy because I worry about everything! My current worry is that I don't get enough time with my kids. My youngest is turning 1 tomorrow (AHHHHH) and I feel like I haven't had time to really enjoy him. My kids see their dad more than me (he's at home while I work during the day and then I'm home at night while he works). They're both boys and they need their dad, but they need their mom too. If it helps, I'm 37. I don't know if all that stuff about "after 35" is true because most of my friends are my age and have kids the same ages as mine; some have kids that are younger.

Sam said...

I'm a worrier too! Have you seen the cover of this book (http://gemma-correll.blogspot.co.uk/p/books.html)? Too funny. Something that helps me though, as the mantra that you can only control the controlables. You can't help how your kids act when you're away, or the weather on your trip. You can only control your reaction and mood, and the tasks at hand. Try to relax, know that you've earned time away, and have fun!

Allison said...

I used to be horrible on flights. I had one very bad flight experience and after that began having panic attacks on every flight I took. I travel for leisure and for work and knew I couldn't live that way. I would ruin my own vacations thinking about having to get on a plane. I took Xanax to fly but it was never enough to calm me down. I did some googling and downloaded "Goodbye Anxiety: Goodbye Fear" by Roberta Shapiro (look it up on Amazon, 5 stars). I listened to it every night leading up to my first flight using it and also during boarding. I took one Xanax, did not drink before/on the flight, and felt completely calm. I've used it ever since and know it well enough to repeat mantras in my head during flights if I get uneasy. It has changed everything for me. I still take one (doc prescribed) Xanax pre-flight and in combination with the meditation track, it's helped me get over my worst fear! Give it a shot.

Chicago Mom (Heather) said...

I worry so much too and feel the same way you do when leaving my kids for a vacation. Even though I know my parents are capable I have the same fears! And it IS harder for us to leave them than it is for them to be away from us. Sad but true.

As for being afraid to have kids past 35. I had mine at 38 and 40 and got lucky. You still have time.

Rock that bikini. One week of bad food and extra wine isn't going to affect your body that much!

Ann + Robert said...

Thanks for sharing these! I should show this to my husband so he can see I'm not the only one with "crazy" worries - lol :)

Megan said...

i have so many of the same worries! and I also get this from my mother - we are worriers. I have to comment on your armpit (of all things)! I had armpit pain off and on for years - just under my left armpit. I finally mentioned it to my gyno as I realized it was usually sorest right before and around my period - turns out it's breast tissue. It's apparently common for women to have breast tissue in their armpits! Who knew!? This could be what your issue is :)

Andrea C said...

I so get you!! I have many of the same anxieties for sure, it's not fun. I finally talked to my doc about it and a Xanax as needed, especially for flying, is a wonderful thing. :)

We are leaving next for our anniversary and I totally get it. I worry about plane crashes and car accidents while my mom is driving around.

Have a great time, LOVE St. Maarten!! Once you get there and have a few cocktails you won't worry about a thing. ;)

Pink and Fabulous said...

I couldn't love this post more. I feel like this is constantly running through my mind with very similar worries. It just keeps going :)

Kerry Steele- Design du Monde said...

I am sort of a worrier too.
I had my last baby at 40 and so many "nice" people loved to point out that there are more risks of birth defects. That is simply not true. The stats are skewed because fewer women have babies after 35 so it just seems like you baby is more likely to have problems.
I would love a blog post about neighborhoods in the Charleston area. We hope to move there in the Fall and I am so confused about where to live and schools etc.

Lindsay Bost said...

Gosh I just love ya and haven't even met you, but seriously your struggles and worries are mine too, but I promise you everything will be okay, I too have attachment issues to my two little ones as well! You are an awesome, beautiful mama and I know God is your strength!

Emily {Luscious Life & Decor} said...

I have all those same worries and I think it's a Mom thing!! We are going away end of August and leaving our two girls for the first time and I'm already worrying. Flying scares me too, but try to stay positive! I'm in the same boat about the belly, the 3 kids debate, the house. I say stay in your house and enjoy it, especially if you love your neighborhood. If you have a third baby or maybe down the road you could add an addition. Your kids each have their own room so that's a plus! Have a wonderful, stress/ worry-free vacation and enjoy the alone time with your hubby!

Naturalntru said...

Said it before! Love your real ness lol!! You are so in my head lol!! Have a wonderful vacation, the kids will be fine, you need this break, all moms feel overwhelmed during the summer, your body is fine, the flight will be safe, drink wine before you go!

Coastal Southern said...

I'm a worrier too and reading these make me feel more normal. I had armpit pain last month and it freaked me out after it lasting for more than a week. I went to the doctor and it was a swollen lymph node apparently from an infection. Go to the doctor to get that checked out and it will ease your mind. Have fun on your vacation!

Amy Florez {Baby Mama Juice} said...

Girl we need to go stress together over wine!!!! Eat nonfat plain greek yogurt with fresh blueberries for breakfast. It will solve all your bloating issues. Trust me!!! If you want to add on to your home, hire an architect first. They can be soooo pricey! You need to evaluate how much it will add to the value of your home vs buying. You definitely don't want to price yourself out of your neighborhood!!!! (I would just move.) We have a white Target shabby chic cozy blanket on our white couch and it's perfect. No shame. Do what works!

Amy Florez {Baby Mama Juice} said...

p.s. The dentist says that no permanent paci damage occurs until age 4. You're good! Your phone will work on vaca! Have fun!

Jenna Chalk said...

Hey Natalie!! I love your blog! I think a lot of us have similar anxieties as you share. I wanted to ease your mind about Frances' teeth. I'm a dentist and the spacing in baby teeth is a good thing! It means there will be more space for the permanent teeth when they erupt. That may mean less money spent on braces when she's older! Also, I know people put pressure on moms to drop the paci but I haven't seen a lot of shifting unless the child has it in their mouth most of the day! Hope this helps 😊

Julia Sledge said...

I just went the the Caribbean and left my 10 mo old and 2 year old with my in laws. They were all totally fine. My cell worked great when we were close to land (I was staying on a boat). We anchored a few nights and there was NO cell service…and guess what….everyone was still fine. Vacate!!!!!!

Katie said...

I love the book Battlefield of the mind by Joyce Meyer! It's amazing!
Also a friend just told me this quote "don't believe everything you think" simple but profound

Kate said...

I second this - I'm 37 and pregnant with my third and while pregnancy is definitely harder at this age than when I had my first at 34 (plus now I have two to run after), I have also read studies that say 35 is not really the high risk age that the media makes it out to be - it's early 40s when it becomes harder to get pregnant - and there are PLENTY of women in the northeast waiting until their late 30s and yes early 40s to have kids who have beautiful healthy kiddos. So relax, you've got time! Happy travels!

Meg said...

We have quite an overlap in our worries!

Makes us "typical" I think?!

Sorry not more helpful. Commiseration.

Bon Voyage! Seriously. Amazing to get awAy as couple!

tpatters5 said...

If you are worried about your arm pit, go to the doctors. Lymph node cancer is real , but you could just have a swollen milk duct. Better to know early than take a chance.

Julie said...

I agree, go to the Dr. I'm a 4-year cancer survivor(hopefully). You have lymph nodes in your arm pits, if they are swollen or painful then something is going on, could be nothing but the earlier you get it checked out the better.......

Aja said...

Bless your heart. I used to be a worrier and can sometimes still slip into those patterns. That said, my advice for you (aside from prayer, which you're doing and said helps), is definitely don't worry about the paci. My oldest had one till 5 and I watched his teeth magically space back to normal after he have it up (as his dentist said they would). Kids teeth and jaws are really in flux for a long time and can correct themselves easily.

eastcoastbird said...

I laughed outloud when I read about the cashier and the stomach bug. I ALWAYS worry about it...especially if I'm around anyone that recently had it.

Amy Lynn said...

Thank you for this post!! Your worries sound so much like mine. Currently I'm worried about going to Mexico for my sisters wedding in two weeks. We are bringing our 6 month old, what to pack? What to leave at home? I'm still breastfeeding:pumping how is that gonna work? I have nothing to wear. My pre/baby clothes don't fit. And damnit, all the pictures... I so wanted to be back to pre-preggo weight by this wedding. Good thing my husband is just like yours and doesn't worry and can help put things into perspective. More posts like this! Hugs.

MyStyleBlog.co said...

Love this post and realizing I'm quite the worrier as well...eek.