I love this blog not only as a place to share things that inspire me and that I love but also as an outlet. I find writing very therapeutic. It helps me clear my head and center myself.
Lately I have had thoughts of a third child on my mind.
This is something I think about a lot. I frequently get asked are you done having kids? Do you want more? and my answer is honestly I don't know.
I have friends who immediately after they had their second baby said with certainty, I am done. That's it. Our family is complete. I don't necessarily feel that way. I am almost envious of them to know with such certainty how many kids you want. I am not sure if it is because I had miscarriage and so I feel I am missing that third baby or if it is because I grew up in a family of three. But some days, most days I desire another baby. I frequently think about that baby I lost and wonder if it was a boy or a girl and what our life would be like if there three kids. I still yearn for and miss that baby I lost.
The problem is Matt is ready to be done with two. He grew up in a family of two and thinks of the financial side of things and he feels two is enough. He also does not like the newborn period with sleepless nights. And that is ok, I see his side entirely. Me I think about 15-20 years from now I want a full house at the holidays. I also long to experience giving birth again. The two days my children were born were the best days of my life. You can't even put into words what a true miracle it is meeting your children for the first time. I think about how much joy the two of them bring me so why not add another.
Can I handle three? Heck I don't know. Most days I find just taking care of Sterling and Frances is extremely exhausting. They are HARD. Someone always needs something and I feel like I never quite get any time just for me. I am wiped out and ready for bed most nights by 8. They are a handful. I feel like I have a good grasp and routine down for taking care of two. We run errands and do things just fine alone since Matt often works long hours. How would I get three kids in and out of the car? I would most likely need a bigger car. Could I handle three kids alone?? Not sure.
Do I want to be pregnant again? Not sure. My pregnancy was ok with both kids, I had no major medical issues, but the second time around took a toll on body. From the bad varicose veins to being extremely tired while dealing with Sterling. Could I handle being pregnant while taking care of two demanding kids? Not Sure. Not sure I truly want to be pregnant again.
Also there is the issue of my age and lets be real it was not easy for me to get pregnant with Frances. Could I even get pregnant again? I turn 35 this year so I know that equates to having a higher risk of having something wrong with my baby. I also know that means each year that passes it is that much harder to get pregnant. Ideally I would wait til Frances was three and have the same age spacing as her and Sterling. But that would put me getting pregnant at 36 and delivering at 37. Not sure that is even feasible. Then what if I got pregnant with twins. That terrifies me, I want 3 babies not 4.
Then there is the issue of worry. I worry about Sterling and Frances constantly. I am a hypochondriac and constant worrier often thinking the worst when things are just fine. Would adding another child to the worry mix do me in? Mentally it might- haha.
I wish I knew with certainty that I was done with two. In all likelihood I will be done with two because I of course don't want to have a third baby without my partner on board. But I wonder will I think about that third child for the rest of my life? and always feel like someone is missing? Who knows. I do know I am beyond grateful that I was blessed with Sterling and Frances Moon. They give new meaning to my life and bring me so much joy. They are everything to me and that is what is important.
So maybe just maybe two is all I am meant to have. Two is enough for me. I plan to live in the moment and savor my two children not dwelling on what if I did or didn't have a third. I trust God and his master plan.
Moms of two and three and kids would love to know your thoughts.
and because I could not stop laughing when reading these.
Seriously these are hilarious.